he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
