He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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