Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
