You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
