whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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