She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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