I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
