Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
