why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
