FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
