I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
