god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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