god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize