Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
