Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
