he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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