You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize