what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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