I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
