Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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