So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
