i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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