I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
