I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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