at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize