I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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