1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
