dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
