paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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