oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
