david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
