I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I am morally bankrupt
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
