Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
