I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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