Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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