He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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