Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
