Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
