...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
