Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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