he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
