He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Found your dick twin last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
