Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize