Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
