Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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