just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
