i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm just crazy horny about you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
