So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
