When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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