my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
