You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize