I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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