i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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