You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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