this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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