you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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