My first STD was from a foam party
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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