Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
