tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
