all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
