By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
