I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
