a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
