You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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