I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize