Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
