So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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