Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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