I hope mine doesn't look like that
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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