would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
