I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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